Another light lost to suicide

10 years in a blink of an eye it passes..and you never really realize it has. 10 years ago i lost someone. Someone that was fortunite enough to know me and all my fears,flaws, insecurities, heartaches. But look past it all to be my family. Our issue was we were too much alike, like most friends same interests, same problems, same annoyances. I find myself often mirroring something you would being doing if you were still here. So much time was wasted trying to protect our friendship that i almost ruined it. In the back of my head i always thought i dont care how as long as youre here and happy nothing else matters. And i steped away as needed to ensure your happiness, but always come running when i felt you needed me. Because i wanted to give you the same gift you gave me. I never wanted you to feel alone and in your darkest times i tried to be a light, i tried to always let you know that you were loved completely, i tried to let you know you had a light that would help alot of people and change the world for the better. Sad thing is you never saw it the same as me. So much unspoken caused frustraction and anger. But it was known without words but by actions. There was a deeper connection still to this day i dont still understand. How can you know when someone is hurting without speaking or seeing them. But just feel it and find them in time to fix it. I dreamed of you a couple days before, i saw your funeral..it scared me. I looked for you for days pleading with every one to find you,time wasnt on my side the morning i finnally found you. As i was leaving to see you. You were already gone. I felt a whole of me die and break off. Still yet to find it. I closed myself to the world.The dark world that would turn off such a light. For so long i pretended to hate you but would break apart at anything thought. Suicide is such a selfish thing. The living world is supposed to pick up the pieces and try to move on.To forget of a world you once existed in. But what of the person that caused the affect do they ever stop to think of their actions before they act? Think of their family and friends.I dont believe you did. You for the first time in your life only saw the bad, not the whole picture. You gave into your fears and insecurities which could eat anyone whole. The years will continue to go on and i will have glimpses of you in my dreams asking you for those answers we all need to know..